theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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