Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
