Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
