When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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