I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
