I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
