Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize