Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
