i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize