I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
