I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
