Already got asked if we're dating
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
