You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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