I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
