I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
