I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
