Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
