I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
