I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
