I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize