I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
