And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
