I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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