You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
