R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
