I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
