shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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