thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
