Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
