Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
