Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize