I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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