THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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