I think I died a long time ago.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
