We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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