I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
