I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
