Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
