She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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