I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
