I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
