can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
