It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
