I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
