yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
