I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
