My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
