bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
