Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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