I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
