i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
