He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
