We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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