Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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