He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There r osticjed everywhere
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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