That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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