Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I look better un-naked...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
