Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
