either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
