.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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