I hope mine doesn't look like that
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
