You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
