You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize