Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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