am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
