So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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