I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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