I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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