dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
