You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
