During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize