Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
