I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
