If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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