hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
