this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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