he puts the penis in happiness.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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