im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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